(disclaimer: the plot synopsis I do not write, I get them from IMDB.com, the opinion at the end of the post is what I write)
starring: Kevin James, Keir O'Donnell, Jayma Mays, Adam Ferrara
Synopsis:
Paul Blart is a mild-mannered, dutiful family man who works as a security guard in a New Jersey mall. For years, he has applied to become a cop, but he always fails the physical exam because he is overweight. One day, a gang of organized criminals put the mall under siege and take hostages. Blart becomes trapped inside, and because of his sense of duty, refuses to leave. He thus becomes the police department's eyes on the inside and attempts to stop the criminals on his own.
Best Quote:
Paul Blart: [after showing a Loch Ness Monster tattoo on his lower back that he got while drunk] Yeah... I don't drink.
Opinion:
Kind of a Die Hard lite, the jokes sometimes fall flat, and the acting is sub-par, but overall an ok way to spend a Saturday night with the family. Blart stays true to what he is, a mall cop, and he uses his knowledge of the mall and it’s workings and stores to do the right thing. James as Blart is very believeable, a loveable loser who ends up being the good guy. O’Donnell, well, he tries too hard to be a bad guy, but he’s very obviously an actor playing a part. The stunts by his henchmen are fun while they’re happening. All in all, at it’s heart, just a typical romance in the face of crime. If you can see it for free, do so, but try not to spend any money on it.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Watchmen
(disclaimer: the plot synopsis I do not write, I get them from IMDB.com, the opinion at the end of the post is what I write)
Watchmen
starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Synopsis:
"Watchmen" is set in an alternate 1985 America in which costumed superheroes are part of the fabric of everyday society, and the "Doomsday Clock" - which charts the USA's tension with the Soviet Union - is permanently set at five minutes to midnight. When one of his former colleagues is murdered, the washed up but no less determined masked vigilante Rorschach sets out to uncover a plot to kill and discredit all past and present superheroes. As he reconnects with his former crime-fighting legion - a ragtag group of retired superheroes, only one of whom has true powers - Rorschach glimpses a wide-ranging and disturbing conspiracy with links to their shared past and catastrophic consequences for the future. Their mission is to watch over humanity... but who is watching the Watchmen?"
Best quote:
Rorschach: This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "no."
Opinion:
A superb depiction of a great graphic novel. The characters are brought to life with excellent skill, the story is told as best as it could have hoped for. The only thing keeping this from being higher is the soundtrack. Very disjointed, it goes from Nena to Ride of the Valkyries, to Bob Dylan, in a five minute span. Aside from that, this is the only movie I saw in the theater this year, and it was worth it. Imax, opening night, in the back against the wall, I enjoyed every second. The action scenes are brutally violent, at one point, we see a mans arm broken almost in half in a closeup. There is a sex scene that actually transcends a normal sex scene, it belongs almost in a porn movie. There might be a little too much blue penis for my taste, but that’s a nitpick. Highlight of the movie for me is Rorscach, played by Haley, this is one of the greatest comic book characters ever, and Haley gives him to us as should be done. Buy it if you don’t have it, and if you don’t really like comic adaptations, then at least rent it to see the grandiosity of the spectacle.
Watchmen
starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Synopsis:
"Watchmen" is set in an alternate 1985 America in which costumed superheroes are part of the fabric of everyday society, and the "Doomsday Clock" - which charts the USA's tension with the Soviet Union - is permanently set at five minutes to midnight. When one of his former colleagues is murdered, the washed up but no less determined masked vigilante Rorschach sets out to uncover a plot to kill and discredit all past and present superheroes. As he reconnects with his former crime-fighting legion - a ragtag group of retired superheroes, only one of whom has true powers - Rorschach glimpses a wide-ranging and disturbing conspiracy with links to their shared past and catastrophic consequences for the future. Their mission is to watch over humanity... but who is watching the Watchmen?"
Best quote:
Rorschach: This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "no."
Opinion:
A superb depiction of a great graphic novel. The characters are brought to life with excellent skill, the story is told as best as it could have hoped for. The only thing keeping this from being higher is the soundtrack. Very disjointed, it goes from Nena to Ride of the Valkyries, to Bob Dylan, in a five minute span. Aside from that, this is the only movie I saw in the theater this year, and it was worth it. Imax, opening night, in the back against the wall, I enjoyed every second. The action scenes are brutally violent, at one point, we see a mans arm broken almost in half in a closeup. There is a sex scene that actually transcends a normal sex scene, it belongs almost in a porn movie. There might be a little too much blue penis for my taste, but that’s a nitpick. Highlight of the movie for me is Rorscach, played by Haley, this is one of the greatest comic book characters ever, and Haley gives him to us as should be done. Buy it if you don’t have it, and if you don’t really like comic adaptations, then at least rent it to see the grandiosity of the spectacle.
Welcome
Thanks for reading my blog, it's my first attempt at online writing, and I'll probably mess it up, but we'll see. I'm a big movie geek, and even go so far as to make excel sheets and rank each film against others just to see which are the best. It is this system I'll be using to accomplish exactly what my blog title says.
My journey started one day when I read another blog about the writers' opinion on the top ten movies of 2009. So, I set out to see what my top 25 were, and it's snowballed from that to all time. What I'll do is post my own very opinionated review on each movie as I watch it, and then at the end of each years movie, post my top 25, with 5 honorable mentions. Of course, each movie year won't take a calendar year, but it will take quite awhile. I won't post every day, but I will post every movie, even the bad.
A few caveats before I go on; I don't watch gory horror movies, except for zombie movies. I don't watch stupid comedies like Scary Movie and Disaster Movie. I'll also be keeping foreign films for the most part out of my project, and more animated films will be skipped than watched. Sorry if that bothers anyone, but it's my project, and I really don't want to be bothered with films that would insult or abuse my senses.
I welcome comments, and feedback, and will respond to some, definitely not all. However, I'll for sure not reply to hostile posters.
Enjoy,
Art
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